Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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