At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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