You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know her cup size but not her name....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
