pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
