Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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