fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
