I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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