Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
time to smoke my breakfast
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
