and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
