trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she told me i tasted like america
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
