Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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