Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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