The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just google imaged poop.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
