she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
