I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
