Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
