Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
