theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
