Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
