There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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