Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
