I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
