Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
