So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
