im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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