One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
