Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
