Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
