I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
