Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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