my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
