you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
