what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
