hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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