i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who died my cat blue again?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
