Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
