It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
