puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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