While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
