I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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