I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
