Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am available for nakedness
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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