she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
too bad you live with your parents still
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
