i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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