I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
