you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
