The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
