I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Randomize
