ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
