My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
