so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you would pick up someone in the library
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
