Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
