I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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